VOICES: The Art Of Forgetting: Learning To See The Mother Who’s Still Here

TL;DR

For listenersOffer from Amazon

Turn quiet afternoons into listening time

• Thousands of audiobooks, podcasts and originals
• Listen on your phone, tablet or Echo — also offline
• Cancel anytime

Try Audible free →Free trial for new members

As an affiliate, we earn on qualifying purchases.Hide

In a first-person essay published by Being Patient on October 7, 2026, artist and retired professor Robert G. Fishman describes how painting helped him respond differently to his mother’s dementia. He says he stopped trying to make her remember and began focusing on the connection they still share.

Artist Robert G. Fishman says a series of paintings shaped by his mother’s dementia helped him shift from trying to restore her memories to meeting her where she is. In a first-person essay published by Being Patient on October 7, 2026, Fishman describes how his art helped him understand that memory loss had changed his mother’s life without erasing their relationship.

Fishman writes that he spoke with his mother daily after she was widowed in 1999. She lived alone in Florida and moved to an independent living facility at about age 91. He initially interpreted changes in her behavior as normal aging. By age 94, she was struggling to use her phones, and a visit in late 2023 revealed serious problems in her apartment, including an empty refrigerator and the smell of cat urine.

A neurologist diagnosed early-stage dementia, according to Fishman, but his mother rejected the diagnosis and declined further testing. He says she could still sound like herself in their phone conversations, which made it harder for him to recognize the extent of the changes. She later moved from Florida to Maryland, closer to family, and eventually entered a memory care unit near his home.

Fishman, a retired college professor and nonprofit executive, writes that he became frustrated when his mother could not do things she had done before. He sometimes corrected her, became angry or yelled, and felt guilty about his reactions. As he returned to painting, he began making landscapes with fewer and fewer details. He later understood the work as a way to represent his mother’s changing memory and, he says, to alter how he approached her.

A Shift From Correction to Connection

Fishman’s account focuses on a difficult part of family caregiving: the gap between understanding a diagnosis intellectually and accepting its effects emotionally. His essay does not present painting as treatment for dementia. Instead, it describes a personal way of working through frustration, grief and guilt while adapting to a parent’s changing abilities.

The change he describes was practical as well as emotional. Rather than insisting that his mother remember or respond as she once did, he says he began entering her world. For readers supporting someone with dementia, his account highlights the importance of distinguishing the person from the memories and tasks the illness has affected, while remaining attentive to the relationship that continues.

From Florida to Maryland Care

Fishman says his mother had long feared developing Alzheimer’s because her own mother was diagnosed at 73 and died seven years later. When his mother was still doing well at 93, he believed she might have avoided a similar experience. He writes that the family had to persuade her to move closer to them after she refused local assisted living in Florida.

The paintings developed alongside these family changes. Fishman began with recognizable landscapes, then removed details across successive works. He named the broader body of work “Deconstructed Landscapes”; four paintings later formed a series he calls “The Art of Forgetting.” His essay also notes that his experience inspired the children’s book “Bubby’s Still Here.”

““Over my dead body.””

— Robert G. Fishman, recalling his mother’s response to assisted living

Limits of One Family’s Account

Fishman’s essay is a personal account, not a clinical report. It does not identify the specific type of dementia his mother has, provide details of her current medical care, or describe the assessment behind the neurologist’s diagnosis. His mother declined further testing, according to the essay, and the account does not say whether her diagnosis or condition has since changed.

The essay also does not establish that painting would have the same effect for other caregivers or people with dementia. Fishman describes what helped him cope and communicate with his mother; readers should not interpret the account as evidence that art changes the course of dementia.

Visits Continue in Memory Care

Fishman says his mother now lives in a memory care unit about 10 minutes from his home. The essay describes his current approach to visiting her, but does not provide a schedule for future updates or details about her prognosis. The next steps described are part of their ongoing family life: spending time together without making each visit a test of what she can recall.

Key Questions

What is the news in Fishman’s essay?

Being Patient published Fishman’s first-person account on October 7, 2026. He describes how painting helped him change how he responds to his mother’s dementia.

What did Fishman call his painting series?

He called the larger body of work “Deconstructed Landscapes.” Four paintings later became a series titled “The Art of Forgetting.”

What diagnosis does the essay report?

Fishman says a neurologist diagnosed his mother with early-stage dementia. He writes that she rejected the diagnosis and declined further testing; the essay does not name a specific dementia type.

Where is Fishman’s mother now?

Fishman writes that his mother moved into a memory care unit about 10 minutes from his home after relocating from Florida to Maryland.

Source: rss